The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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