My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
