u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
