Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
did you just send me my own nude
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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