Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize