watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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