what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
