i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
