there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
