wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
