you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize