sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
