i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
