So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
