dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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