dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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