You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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