I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
