i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
