I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
