remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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