if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You have to summon your inner elephant
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
