there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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