You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As shirtless as possible
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
