Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
