Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
