The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
