i barfeds in our rink
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
