I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
