she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
