i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
