thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
