I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize