so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
