dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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