I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
