he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
