And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
