This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
