Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
