I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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