dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
