Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
