but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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