Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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