your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
