Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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