dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
