We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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