1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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