i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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