I think im going to throw up on grandma
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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