It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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