you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
