I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
