you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
