Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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