Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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