I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
