did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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