you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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