yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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