Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
