Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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