It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
