did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
