The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize