well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
People in love make me want to vomit
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
