You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize