I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
