the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize