He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
