Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As shirtless as possible
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
