He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize