Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
